Workplace Death - Partnerships in Grieving

My Special Dad

By Isabella

Isabella's father died in a forklift incident at work in January 2000 when Isabella was 12 years old. Isabella, now 15, talks about what was special about her dad and her relationship with him, and the impact of his death on her own life.

My reason for speaking about this is that I just want to say goodbye to my dad and not have to worry any meant about what my family has had to go through. I worry about my friends too sometimes, because their dads have got similar jobs and I worry sometimes about them losing their dad too. I worry about the other workers as well.

Life was good when dad was there

My dad was really nice. I got along with him really well. We were really close to each other and he was like a best friend to me. But he is not here any more and when I see other people with their dads I feel sad. I just can't really avoid it cause he's just not here any more. He was one of my best friends and I can't be with him any more. He used to do tricks on the phone and pretend he was someone else I just wish I was happy again. I liked my life when he was alive. I was never scared to talk to him about stuff. If ever I were upset he'd always be there to cheer me up and he never failed to be there for me. I just miss having him around. I had now worries, it was fine and I felt really safe.

We used to play games together. My favourite memory is the nights when he came home from work and I liked to hide in the house and dad would try and find me. I really enjoyed that. He liked it when I did that. I just liked seeing him happy and not upset coming home from work. It would cheer him up.

On the day my dad died

It was during the school holidays and I was getting ready for dinner with him. I had got all dressed up, like an idiot - this was before I found out. I was just having some fun with my mum, waiting for my dad to come home and we had dinner ready. My mum phoned to see how long he would be. But some guy picked up the phone at dad's office saying there had been an accident and there would be some police officers sent to our house to tell us what had happened.

When the police officers arrived I knew something was wrong. I just knew something bad had happened. I didn't understand what was going on cause they used the word deceased a lot and I didn't understand what that meant I was scared of what I heard. It was like I had not heard what I heard. I was staring at the policeman, hoping that he would repeat himself cause I remember I didn't understand what deceased meant and he was using those long words but I got the picture that there had been an accident.

Mum started to cry. I was really scared and in shock and so was my mum- I thought that my mum couldn't breath cause my mum was calling all these people, telling them that we need them over at the house for support and just to be there. My mum was low. I'd never seen my mum so scared before. And when my brother found out he just totally went psycho. I was just too scared to think about what the consequences were going to be. I was just starting to absorb what was going on and my brother comes home and he gets an ice patch on his hand because he's punched the wall.

My mum's brother came over. The next door neighbours came over for a while and my aunt and uncle from the country came as soon as they could I think that maybe the only people who actually helped me were my cousins and Sean. They stayed the night. The next day they took me shopping, you now just to get some of the things off of my mind and that helped a lot.

I still don't know a lot about what actually happened to my dad. There was something about a collision with a car? My dad got off the forklift to check what happened. That is what I was told.

I was in shock

I can't remember a lot of what happened over the next few days. I just had no feelings I was in shock. I didn't know what to do. When I woke up the next morning I was in my mum's room and I heard my dad's car pull up in the driveway and I was like happy thinking oh! It was just a mistake-that a it wasn't my dad that died after all. But it was just my uncle coming back, bringing stuff from the accident site back to the house. When I found out I just hoped that there had to be some kind of mistake, and that my dad was really OK.

Talking to friends helped

My mums spoken to heaps of counsellors and it never does anything, they just talk a lot about it most of the time. Cause they haven't ben there they don't understand. They say "well why don't you do this for a while. I'm sure it will help you". I go back and try it and it does nothing. What does help me when I am really upset is I'll call a friend and maybe go over and talk with them. My friends and may be go over and talk with them.

My family has changed

After the accident relationships within my family totally changed. I'd like to talk to my brother but he's left my house and he's with my grandparents now. I feel like I have lost him too. I've seen him a little bit. He's still sad and I just want him to be normal again. He finds it hard to express emotions really. Before the accident I remember we got on together like a normal brother sister relationship. Like if we had a fight dad would always come in and make it good. He'd fix it up. Now that my dad's not here in control my brother has changed. He's different now.

Dad's funeral

At my Dad's funeral I was crying and crying. I thought I would cry as much as I could because it'd help me. To see my dad lying there in the coffin! That really scared me. I just couldn't stop crying. I was so upset. The worst bit was when they put him down in the ground. I put a note in the coffin. I put roses on top of the coffin. I remember I wasn't concentrating and I grabbed something and I cut my hand. I was just scared that may be my Dad would wake up and he would be in the coffin. I was just thinking stupidly Oh! He's gonna wake up, but he never did. I was so worried. My brother! I've probably never seen him cry so much. You know how guys usually don't cry. It felt like the whole world was there at the funeral and it made me feel better to see all the people there who cared for my dad and us. So in a way a way the funeral was really sad but it did feel like there were people there for me.

A different life begins

When my family and friends went back to their normal lives it seemed they have al forgotten him. When I see my friends with their dads I get upset because I used to be like them. And my dad is not there any more.

When I went back to school I was really short tempered. Before I was a really good student. But from then on I've just gone a bit hard on my work. Math used to be the only hard subject for me. But in year 7 I got a C and a D - I am not very good at my schoolwork now. It's affected me a lot because I'm failing in my sciences. Poor marks in my last tests.

My family has changed. It used to be really fun going to my grand parent's house. They would cook a BBQ. We would say funny things like a typical family. I miss that a lot, I can't have that anymore, they say that to have a good time now is rude because my dad is not here anymore.

Coping with grief three years on

How I cope with my grief now is that I like to talk about things like a typical family. If I can't talk about something that upsets me I just turn on the radio really loud. That gets me out of it. But it really depends on what kind of day I have had. If it is just a normal day I try to forget about things. But at the nighttime when I am by myself and I think about it, it all comes back to me. I don't cry as much now. I guess I am sort of getting used to it. But sometimes when I do something that I am really proud of, that's when I really wish dad was there to share it with me.

I am turning 15 soon and my dad promised he would teach me how to drive because he taught my brother - now he can't. I was really looking forward to that.

Last Updated - Sat 15th 2006f April 2006 13:35:00

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